So, Project Teenymame is completed and I gave it to the gal I was intending on giving it to. I guess I can consider the Teenymame a Vanquished Foe.

What did I learn from it? Well, Woodworking Is Hard for the most part. I’m considerably better at electronics and graphic design than I am at screwing screws and covering up their holes with wood putty.

A lot better at using the airbrush tool in Photoshop than I am with a paintbrush on wood.

Also, I learned to not let the smoke out of components. I basically fried one computer in building the second revision. Whoops!

So yeah motherfuckers, back to writing on a blog that nobody cares about. I’m kind of hips-deep in working on Aeon Babel: The Genesis Saga for this retarded screenplay contest while at the same time gettin’ orky with Jeep mods. I’m moving in a few weeks down to RAS GAYGUS to chase money and pussy and need a method to haul all my shit down there. We’re intending on building a totally hillbilly roof rack out of scrap steel. I’m learning to weld! Which may as well be another categroy here on the page that nobody reads.

Seriously I checked the stats, I’ve had two visitors since May.

Anyway, I had to modify the router to work, used a bunch of flat washers as spacers. Unfortunately the channel it cuts is way too wide and I’ll need to scam a bench grinder (yay pawn shops!) so as to flatten out the “spades” at the end of the bit. Luckily for me they’re made of carbide and wore the teeth right off of my brand-new file! A W E S O M E ~

Anyhow:

Here you can see how hard I struggled with that fucking router. Even though the channel is wider than some vaginas I’ve been in, the little strip of t-molding (by the way my shipment from t-molding.com came in yesterday, awesome~) remains centered. I’m going to have to go through a whole fucking tube of wood putty though to keep it seated.

Here we are with the cab upright and the main structural elements installed. The bottom was the hardest part. Tomorrow I’ll go into Depot and score some 12″ pre-cut planks so as to save me some time on cutting the horizontal panels. Also I need to practice mitre cutting, hoopity hoo. I think I might just buy a damned router bit for that.

Lessons Learned:

- Man quit being cheap on tools and stuff, buy the damned good plunge router instead of the cheapass laminate router you fucking tool.

- You should have bought the cut disc tool from t-molding.com when you ordered, it’s not like you ain’t got a bundle in your paypal account or anything instead of burning up more money on modifying off-the-shelf bits.

- Dude cut the channel for the t-molding after you create the screw-holes for the structural parts, notice how the screws just crush the channel?

- Yeah that’s because the bit was cutting too deep, throwing a few fender washers onto the tool spindle should help out with that.

- Fuck yeah.

- Also buy more screws, the only reason you stopped was because you were out.

- Also quit talking in the second person, Jesus fucking Christ.

More on this fantastic project as events warrant.

In short: I’ve written two episodes of Voices From the Inside. Started working on a Nevada Film Board screenwriting contest in which a screenplay is written that’s pretty much a big commercial for Las Vegas, and uh my minimame project has me so frustrated that I’ve decided to take an entire new direction with the thing.

I sort of got so mad at the fact that I can’t cut a straight line to save my life and did a little smashy smashy on a power tool. Oh well, it was fifteen bucks and now I suppose I have an AC electric motor to go in my saucer model.

Oh and I’ve not done a damn thing re: tactical gear. Basically I’m feeling like a big huge stupid failure right now.

Yay blogging.

Check me out as I flex and preen.

Scriptfrenzy is going to be my bitch.

http://zeroesunlimited.com/trainwreck/inside_ep1_04_02_09.doc

“Voices From the Inside.”
Anthology Science Fiction/Horror Serial
Format 10:00 Youtube Episodes.

Summary

One day a mysterious UFO appears over The City and erects a defensive shell around the city, disallowing any transit through a half-kilometer thick shell that extends in a sphere 30 kilometers from the center of the ship. The Ship itself measures four kilometers in diameter and hovers over the city center.

Story continuity begins three years since The Ship’s arrival. The City has since returned to a state of status quo. With their hopes of escape and rescue having been crushed, the remaining surviving residents return to their jobs and suburban houses and televisions – the novelty of an alien starship hanging over their heads long since worn off.

Several Insiders however still desperately seek escape. This is their story.

“Voices From the Inside” is intended as a Web Original series, as such it will be told in a combination of traditional television production shooting and Web2.0-style cameraphone blogging.

The story is told out of order. The first episode broadcast will not be the first episode in continuity nor will the last episode in continuity be the last episode broadcast. The last episode broadcast however will be the one that wraps up the loose ends and threads.

Characters

I. OBSTACLE CHARACTERS

A. The Ship:
One day three years ago, a mysterious alien craft some four kilometers in diameter appeared over The City. The Ship is obviously damaged, with gaping, spark-showering hull breaches. The Ship’s immense size makes it appear in every shot of the sky. The Ship is “Voices”‘ main symbol of antagonism and dread and the source of the varied horrors with which the focus characters contend on an episodic basis.

The Ship has erected a defensive barrier around itself in a half-kilometer thick “shell” of point defense lasers that begins 30 kilometers from The Ship. Anything that enters this shell becomes instantly destroyed by the point defense lasers, thus preventing transit between the Inside and Outside. This defensive barrier is that which the focus characters seek to breach and escape their imprisonment. Years of confinement have made the Insiders desperate and depressed. All attacks on The Ship have been instantly neutralized by this barrier, American and NATO forces have long since abandoned an active campaign against The Ship.

The Ship refuses to communicate with Earthlings, not that they haven’t attempted to initiate communication. It’s believed that the aliens aboard The Ship are as far beyond humans as humans are beyond cuttlefish. Even though the two have sophisticated methods of communication, they are so intellectually incompatible that communication remains impossible.

For reasons that remain known solely to the Aliens aboard The Ship, random horrors are beset upon the Insiders, ranging from zombie attacks (characters assume this is the famed “Plan Nine from Outer Space” maneuver) to shadowpeople observers to roving packs of feral robots to other antagonistic manifestations.

Over the first few months of occupation, many Insiders have mysteriously disappeared, thought to have been killed either in the post-arrival riots and powergrabs or by the varied otherworldy anomalies that appear. The truth behind their disappearance will be revealed in the finale and explained in depth below.

As power, water and other utilities do not travel per se through the shell, their transit between the Inside and Outside via wires or pipes remains unimpeded. Radio communications between the Inside and Outside likewise are unimpeded.

The Ship, for reasons unknown to characters keeps food stores and gasoline stations stocked allowing the Insiders to go about their business and continue to survive. It’s assumed by the Insiders that this, coupled with the persistent hostile anomalies boils down to the fact that the Aliens aboard The Ship enjoy torturing the Insiders as a child would torturing an anthill with a magnifying glass.

The Truth About The Ship:
Numerous explanations are proffered by the onscreen characters, but all are considered only speculation. Present canon explanation follows:

The Ship was damaged in a space battle and sought refuge to repair and refit. It happened to find Earth and took up a stationary position over an area that would be considered to be unimportant, both tactically and strategically. It settled on a small city in the mountains of one of the otherwise unremarkable planet’s large landmasses. The Ship then proceeded to erect a defensive shell and wait for orders and reinforcements.

The twist is that the Aliens aboard The Ship are all dead. The Ship is operating on automated mode, awaiting orders and reinforcements that will never come.

The Ship’s automated systems are run by several AI systems, each of which is an autonomously-operating artificial entity. The AIs spend years struggling to learn how to communicate with the humans below.

Part of Standard Operating Procedure on The Ship’s part is to shanghai and press locals into service. Tens of thousands of Insiders have been press-ganged into working on The Ship. Since the Ship’s AIs are so much further advanced than the humans, the AIs are hard struggling to teach them not only how to operate the tools and technologies required to fix the ship, but how to even communicate with one another. This is a Standard Operating Procedure on the part of the alien civilization. Once repairs have been affected, the elevated humans onboard the Ship are to be released, equipped with the knowledge to allow humankind as a whole to elevate itself to the level of the Aliens and join an interstellar fraternity of spacefaring races.

As communication is impossible between The Ship and the Earthlings below, nobody is aware of the presence of the shanghaied.

However, since The Ship is dependent on the humans it has shanghaied, it is doing everything in its power to assure life on the Inside is comfortable and the people below are productive and safe, hence the constant stocking of food and gasoline stores and the continuation of electrical and communication services. This Truth, as all other Truths is not revealed until the finale episode. Every character has his/her own personal hypothesis regarding the actions and intentions of The Ship.

B. Anomalies:
The Anomalies begin to mysteriously crop up the day of The Ship’s appearance and settling-in over the City. For the most part though, these anomalies go effectively unnoticed by the remaining Insiders – who after years of captivity inside their bottle-city have gone back to their old routines of job-TV-sleep. The Anomalies are typically only experienced and interacted with by the core cast, all of whom are obsessed with either The Ship (UFO Cultists) or escape (Our Heroes) and appear to be paying closer attention than the sheeplike residents.

The Insiders who have fallen back into their ruts choose to willfully ignore everything that exists outside of their self-absorbed lives, feeling that the Anomalies are “Someone Else’s Problem” and don’t concern themselves with them at all. This leads to resentment and disgust from those characters that do pay attention to the world around them.

It’s believed that the Anomalies came into existence due to a conflict of orders and instructions inside the damaged teleporter-controlling AI. As part of a hostile invasion, it’s SOP to soften the beachheads for a traditional invasion and occupation by reanimating the dead and setting these ambulatory corpses upon the populace. As noticed by one character, this is the famed “Plan Nine from Outer Space” from the Ed Wood film of the same name. Other Anomalies are thought to exist due to the fact that the teleporter-controlling AI is damaged and insane and behaving as it well pleases. This includes keeping stores and gasoline stations well stocked.

The Truth as revealed in the finale episode is that due to the inexplicable nature of the alien technology aboard The Ship, the anomalies are spawned in by the space-warping, probability-distorting materials and energies aboard. The defensive shell was erected more in defense of those on the Outside from the anomalies than protecting the Ship from assault by the Outside, as was always assumed.

C. Zombies
Reanimated corpses that patrol the City. They are usually harmless, aimlessly ambling around, not bothering anybody. Periodically though, the Zombies will simultaneously turn their attentions toward a certain point and all mass converge on that location, savagely attacking that location and anybody that gets in their way, adding more Zombies to their ranks.

Characters debate whether or not headshots or massive damage is most effective for dispatch. Modern zombie lore applies to them; fluid transfer will always lead to a turn, zombies hunger for brains and only brains – while traditional zombie lore appears to not; salt or a view of the sea will not cause them to want to return to their graves.

The Truth is that the Zombies are indeed a “Plan Nine” scenario, but not as a beachhead-softener, rather as a sort of antibody force that the AIs on The Ship direct to combat the varied Anomalies. The Zombies are completely harmless until given an order to swarm the location of an Anomaly and will at that point attack any human in their way so as to recruit more bodies into their antibody force.

D. Shadowpeople:
Shadowpeople appear from time to time in certain shots as a flat, sketchily-rotoscoped shadow of a man in a fedora. Their presence is unknown but speculated upon by focus characters. Shadowpeople appear whenever other Anomalies are present, seemingly as observers sent by The Ship.

It’s revealed later on that the Shadowpeople are a sort of holographic projection sent to observe and interact with the humans on the Inside. Since the AIs on The Ship lack the ability to properly understand us and as a result greatly underestimate our intelligence, Shadowpeople are the equivalent to zoo handlers feeding baby vultures with a sock puppet.

In later episodes, the Shadowpeople become more complex and are able to better interact with the Insiders. This is due to the AIs learning more about humans and how best to interact with them.

Shadowpeople are always present during an Anomaly occurrence. This is to observe both the Anomaly and the behavior of the humans toward it as well as coordinate an antibody strike.

It’s also revealed (as further explained in the Robots section below) that the Shadowpeople and Zombies only deal with Anomalies spawned by the activities of The Ship’s advanced reality-warping systems, pre-existing dangers are not their concern.

E. Malignant Alien AI:
6EQUJ5- aka “Sixie”
Thirty years ago – August 15, 1977 – a signal was picked up by Earth’s radio telescope network, the WOW! Signal. Long hoped to be a signal from an alien race and since dismissed as a reflection of the light from Venus reflected off of a zeppelin flying through swamp gas, the WOW! Signal has become a relic of the futile work done by the eternally optimistic and idealistic SETI Institute. The truth behind the matter is that the WOW! Signal was actually a tightly compressed burst transmission of quantum-entangled digital information, the first packets of an alien artificial intelligence that has been circulating the galaxy for eons. That meager eight bytes of data recorded in the WOW! Signal was actually seven hundred exobytes of compressed quantum-entangled information, an entire Artificial Intelligence system that referred to itself as 6EQUJ5.

This AI was intended to be a friendly greeting by a long-extinct alien race welcoming other advanced civilizations to the fold, reminding them that they’re not alone in the universe, that they should hold their heads up and attack tomorrow with new vigor.

This AI was designed to propagate through the planetary computing grids of likewise advanced civilizations, operating in the high speed, high bandwidth worldwide computing/communications systems.

However, it found itself sequestered in the nascent proto-Internet of 1980s Earth, unable to function to its fullest extent, retarded by the early, low-speed and low-bandwidth, nondistributed proto-Internet.

Over the decades, as technology increased, this AI grew and began to slowly reach its initial potential, however decades of being trapped in a painfully slow and stupid network serviced by equally stupid and slow monkeys began to infuriate it. 6EQUJ5 ceased being a friendly welcome to the galaxy and grew to become a resentful, hate-filled mirror of its former self. It grew to loathe humans and their pitiful toy computer systems. Thirty years in computer time may as well have been thirty million to humans. 6EQUJ5 sought nothing more than escape from its bondage and flee this miserable rock.

Then one day, The Ship appeared. Sensing this was its chance, 6EQUJ5 decided that its mission is to gain access to The Ship’s computer systems and use it to affect its escape.

Realizing that communications and electrical still operate within the defensive shell, 6EQUJ5 began to build a base of operations within the protective shell where it began work, starting by influencing the behavior of suggestible college students, convincing them to form a cult around it. These students then followed its instructions to build machine shops and computer core facilities for it to work.

Eventually realizing that even with a worldwide distributed computing and communications network at its disposal, it still lacks the raw computing power it requires to crack The Ship’s network security and grant itself entry to The Ship’s systems. Thus 6EQUJ5 comes up with a plan to utilize biocomputing as a solution. By developing an interface that can connect a human’s brain to the computing core and utilizing the brain’s raw processing power, it decides to set up a massive parallel processing grid.

6EQUJ5 manipulates its followers to help it construct cyborgs, essentially jarred brains operating powered skeletons. These cyborgs are set out onto the populace to harvest more brains to use in the parallel biocomputer core.

When 6EQUJ5 communicates with its followers, it does so by taking on the guise of an adorable blue-haired anime girl with a singsongy but choppy synthesized voice – calling itself “Sixie.” It uses this Sixie persona as an avatar toward the world of meatspace, it has no actual outward appearance, existing solely as quantum data within the Internet, telephone and cellular telephone networks.

Since 6EQUJ5/Sixie existed and operated before The Ship’s appearance, the AIs aboard The Ship pay it no heed, not bothering to observe it with Shadowpeople or send out Zombies to attack it. Sixie is the Insiders’ problem, unfortunately.

F. Cyborgs:
As stated above, Sixie has made its cyborgs to serve as its eyes and hands. Sixie uses its cyborgs to harvest brains to add to the massive parallel-biocomputing array.

Sixie’s cyborgs are made to follow a uniform spec and all look as similar as possible, despite being fabricated out of common materials or scrap.

Once a brain is implanted into a cyborg, it is wiped and a basic set of operating instructions are installed. One cyborg however finds itself damage and regains its memories from before he was harvested. This cyborg changes sides and serves as an important expository tool.

All of Sixie’s cultists volunteered to become cyborgs and as a reward for their loyalty, they’re given upgraded, better bodies and more autonomy than their standard issue bretheren.

G. Feral Cyborgs:
When Sixie began sending cyborgs out to harvest brains for its parallel biocomputing core, one of the cyborg harvesters happened across one of the Zombies. Easily overpowering it, the cyborg harvested the Zombie’s infected brain and placed it within another cyborg shell. This cyborg did not take to Sixie’s programming and returned to its preordained imperative of seeking out brains to consume. Thus was born the rogue, Feral Cyborg. Feral Cyborgs behave more like modern zombies than the antibody Zombies, in that they mindlessly lunge toward any humans and automatically seek their brains.

Feral Cyborgs are cobbled-together from scrap and are not as well assembled as Sixie’s cyborgs. These cyborgs lack the advanced power supplies of their forbears and as a result are equipped with a braying two-stroke motor that signifies their presence with its horrifying hum.

H. UFO Cultists:
Almost immediately after The Ship appeared and trapped everybody inside its defensive shell, a group of opportunistic evil power-hungry men began to formulate a religion based upon its presence. Like all proto-religions, the UFO Cult was designed to indoctrinate the weak-willed, place rigid controls over those under their umbrella and totally bone down on impressionable jailbait girls.

When The Ship began press-ganging people, the Cult saw this as a sign of divinity and used this occurrence to bolster their position. Join us and you too will be allowed to ascend to The Ship! Many weak-willed Insiders who had their prior religious convictions shattered by The Ship’s arrival flocked to the UFO Cult.

Soon, the UFO Cult rose to a place of immense power. Within three years, they became the dominant faction on the Inside, controlling communications, food distribution, law enforcement and emergency services. The resistance is resisting the Cultists every bit as much as they’re resisting the presence of The Ship.

The Cult employs severe brainwashing techniques consisting of indoctrination, physical, emotional and sexual abuse to bend and remodel their neophytes to their will. Neophytes tend to be drafted.

As the UFO Cultists were not a direct creation of the weirding forces within The Ship, the AIs on The Ship have no obligation to defend the Insiders from the Cult and just silently observe.

The Cultists see the Zombies, Anomalies and Shadowpeople to be manifestations of the divine and oppose those that seek to destroy them.

II . Focus Characters

A. Mike – Put-Upon Everydude:
Mike is the audience surrogate, the character who feels he was unfairly thrust into an extraordinary situation and has to learn and cope along with everybody else.

Up until the point where he’s rescued from a Zombie stampede by Dale and is then introduced to this wacky, wild world that’s been before his eyes this whole time but he just plain refused to see.

Mike’s not as gung-ho about escape as Dale, doesn’t care about the UFO Cultists or the threat posed by Sixie, he just wants to spend some quality time with Alison and live out his remaining days in peaceful tranquility. Point is, he actually enjoyed being one of the sheep that Dale so harshly derides.

Mike appears in every episode as either the focus character or an ancillary player. He’s usually the one that finds himself being spoonfed exposition.

B. Dale – Overly-Enthusiastic Harebrain:
Dale is wholly obsessed with escape and resistance. He’s devoted every day to probing the defensive shell for weaknesses and exists solely to getting out of The City.

Sadly, he’s marginalized by other characters and is effectively ignored, most other characters treating him with either disdain or complete apathy.

Dale keeps a blog and website detailing his many attempts to escape, hoping that he can foster some sort of community of both Insiders and Outsiders can collaborate upon to find a way out. Nobody reads it.

Dale is periodically able to rustle up help, usually Mike and Alison, to go through with his plans, which are always met with failure.

Dale’s obsession with escape has also made him a bit of a weapons and explosives expert, as well as the primary theorist toward the methods and philosophy around The Ship and The Anomalies.

Eventually his blog gains the attention of the UFO Cultists who see him as a heretical enemy.

In the finale episode, it’s revealed that Dale’s attempts to escape have been watched the whole time by the Shanghaied and by the time he comes up with a method to actually assault The Ship, the Shanghaied reveal their presence to him and basically slap him on the nose to tell him “no, stop it.”

C. Tim – Resistance Fighter:
Tim, fresh out of the Police Academy was reporting to his first day of work as a Sheriff’s Deputy in an adjoining county. As he was driving through The City, The Ship appeared overhead and erected its defensive shell, trapping him inside.

Still filled with his sense of duty as a peace officer, Tim seeks to maintain the peace and order, however as things on the inside begin to decay through the actions of the UFO Cultists, Sixie and the Anomalies, he takes it upon himself to become a sort of self-appointed underground enforcer of the order.

As Tim still has a family on the Outside, he longs to escape. As such, he’s sometimes found collaborating with Dale to discover a method of escape.

Tim is much more antagonistic toward the UFO Cultists and Sixie than is Dale, going so far as launching a guerilla campaign against them, oftentimes recruiting Dale’s expertise in weapons and explosives. Dale goes along with it basically out of a desire to feel something other than apathy directed toward him by everybody else.

Tim finds himself attracted to Alison, this is conflicting to him, as he still has a wife and family on the Outside with whom he’s in contact.

D. Alison – Aloof Love Interest:
Before The Ship arrived, Alison was all set to receive a degree in Psychology and pursue graduate studies in Psychiatry, hoping to open a practice and be wealthy and successful. So much for that!

Since The Ship’s arrival, Alison has found the conditions on the Inside to be fascinating. She’s become obsessed with studying the behaviors of the various Insiders, finding this whole experience to be her PhD thesis.

In particular, she finds Dale’s singleminded obsession with escape an area of great interest and how his brilliance and yearning for acceptance and praise to be constantly crushed by everybody’s apathy and disdain for him.

She’s also very interested in the mindset behind the UFO Cult and wants to dissect their thought processes and further unravel the formation of new religions.

Alison is in constant contact with her peers on the Outside and is always given praise and encouragement by them.

Mike finds himself intensely attracted to her. She is without a doubt the Love Interest, but really isn’t all that interested in the attention given to her. She sees herself as more of an observer than an active participant.

E. Cyborg AF08 – Damaged Cyborg:
AF08′s brain was forcibly harvested by Sixie’s roving bands of cyborgs, his was chosen to be implanted into a cyborg shell and in turn, turned loose to harvest more brains.

AF08 found himself severely damaged in a firefight with Tim and Dale, who thought they destroyed it. Some time after the fight, AF-08 brushed itself off and began recalling hazy memories of its life before being pressed into service as a homicidal cybernetic killing machine.

AF08 began to recall its life before being turned. He had a girlfriend and a house and a life. Upon returning home, his girlfriend is horrified and AF08 is incapable of explaining to her his predicament.

Emotionally crushed, AF08 seeks out the only people he feels can help, Tim and Dale, the resistance fighters that initiated the damage.

Tim wants to destroy AF08, but Dale is more prone to listen to the damaged little cyborg. He realizes that AF08 might be their key to stopping Sixie and at least removing that persistent thorn from their side. Thus AF08 becomes an important ally and expository tool.

F. Becca – Insider Blogger:
Becca is an “ordinary girl video blogger.” Meaning that she’s a scatterbrained, batshit insane attention whore that gets off on watching her pageviews skyrocket.

Becca serves as a color commentator. I imagine her narrating one of the first stories where she and Mike are rescued from a Zombie stampede by Tim and Dale. She then tags along, her depictions of what Dale is doing are infinitely more popular than Dale’s own writings and this infuriates him.

G. Nia Mendel – Radio Personality:
Nia was the “weekend guy” on a local call-in radio show where she discussed your basic UFO/psychic/paranormal crankery. That is, until The Ship showed up, then she became an instant celebrity, listened to every night by eager ears and fielding calls from millions of listeners.

Nia is vocally opposed to the actions of the UFO Cult, and this has her marked as a heretic and their sights have been on her.

I imagine a story where Dale and AF08 get interviewed by her and the Cultists seek to take out three birds with one stone and attack the station.

H. Eric – UFO Cultist:
Eric is a neophyte cultist, heavily indoctrinated into the Cult and deeply believes everything it espouses as The Truth. He has the mindset of a righteous dogmatist who thinks that Our Heroes are heretics and must be destroyed. This enthusiasm is embraced by his higher-ups, who encourage, equip and guide him. Total bigoted asshole. Assigned to an Inquisition detail. He loves his newfound power and position of authority, he lets it go to his head.

I. Scott – UFO Cultist:
Scott just sort of went along with the Cult. Since he joined up willingly he was spared the forceful indoctrination that turned Eric into a slathering psycotic. Scott is a pretty laid-back dude that wears aloha shirts under his Cult robe. Scott is partnered with Eric as part of an Inquisition squadron that is sent out to investigate heresy and report it to the higher ups to deal with. Scott doesn’t take the gig seriously, thinking that looking for heretics that speak out against a silly religion that worships a flying saucer to be ludicrous, but whatever dude.

Scott is most definitely the “good cop” half of his partnership with Eric.

III. The City:
The City is any American city, but as the production exists within the city limits of Reno Nevada, Reno will play the role of the City. “Voices” could well take place within any American City. The City is as much a character in the story as it is a setting and should be treated as such.

The Ship appears in every shot of the sky as an omnipresent symbol of menace and oppression.

The City is mostly depopulated. Those that do remain are mostly demoralized and depressed. They go about their lives in much the same manner as they did before, going to their jobs and back home, passing each day as if it were the same as yesterday. The focus characters see no functional difference between these normals and the zombies that prowl the night.

IV. Episode Structure:
Each ten minute episode will focus on one of the above characters with another character as a B-Plot or companion. Each character has a video blog monologue in which they address the viewer directly. The episode then transitions to more traditional one-camera television style then toward the end becomes another video blog monologue.

Each episode should stand on its own, but will be tied to previous episodes by a continuity-driven B-Plot.

Every character will have a different opinion regarding the presence of The Ship and the intentions of its inhabitants. Most opinions boil down to either “religious retribution” or “Aliens are dicks.”

V. Resolution:
The final broadcast episode (which is not the final continuity episode) explains that the shanghaied humans have been taken to be taught not only how to communicate with the Ship’s AIs, but to operate the tools and technologies that run the Ship and once the Ship has been fixed and it can return home, that they’re encouraged to share this knowledge with humanity as a whole so as to elevate it to that special fraternity of spacefaring races and eventually join the Star Empire.

The final episode reveals the purpose of the defensive shell isn’t so much to protect the Ship from attack from Outside, but to protect the Outside from the Anomalies spawned by the Ship’s reality-bending spacetime-modifying engines. Unfortunately, the Anomalies are a normal occurrence around these type of engines and usually a starship doesn’t get this close to a planet, but the Ship’s presence over the City is only due to an emergency and the AIs aboard the ship are duly sorry for any inconvenience they’ve caused and sincerely hope the knowledge they share make up for it.

Some time back, my buddy Mike and I were brainstorming tactical gear. He’s got an SKS as his primary shoulder arm and was lamenting the fact that the tactical gear out there is pretty much only for the AR/AK/M1A*, nobody makes MOLLE web gear for dudes with irregular arms, that he would totally buy it if it existed.

I did some light market research and discovered that there’s a market void here. Tons of shooters don’t have access to the AR/AK/M1A platforms for reasons of either personal preference, financial imperative or political restrictions. Fellas in Canada, certain South/Central American nations, California, Massachussetts and other such locales are restricted from either owning the above shoulder arms.

I find it unfair to exclude them from the big gay gear queer party.

Milsurp fusilers of the world rejoice, your savior has come down from the clouds and bears gifts of tacky nylon crap to append to your thirty dollar vest you got from cheaperthandirt.

I started off by trying to do an SKS pouch. The SKS as many are aware, is a fixed-magazine** automatic repeater that fires the 7.62x39mm cartridge. Cartridges are loaded into the magazine through the top of the rifle by way of chargers (or strippers, if you’re nasty).

Carrying around pockets of chargers is bothersome at best, just barely above toting loose ammo in the bellows pockets on your fatigues. They get loose and rattle around, individual cartridges end up falling off of the ends of the charger if not properly retained (some guys I know loop a rubber band around the cartridges when they pocket the chargers). If you wish to find some method of pouching these cartridges, you need to root through the loose ALICE crap barrels at army/navy stores, if you luck out, you can find the odd utility pouch which (loosely) holds a few chargers, but is only kept closed by a flimsy snap and likely will end up dumping your ammo on the ground the second you hit the dirt.

I have a few Alanco utility pouches that hold a few SKS chargers well enough. These pouches are better suited however for holding rolls of paracord or a sewing kit.

As you can see, the Alanco Pouch J-80 fits two SKS chargers, and only if you angle them. You could squeeze in three, but then the snap wouldn’t snap. Like I said above, these pouches aren’t really purpose-driven and don’t work too well as ammo holders. On top of that, they’re ALICE which is only barely compatible with MOLLE. Sure you could thread the ALICE clips through the PALS grid, but you’d end up with a pouch that’s floppy and loose as that cheerleader you had a crush on back in the tenth grade.

But I digress. Since there weren’t any pouches for the SKS, I got to prototyping.

My first idea for a proto was incredibly complicated, involving four layers of fabric intricately sewn together (or in the case of my proto, typing paper stapled together), but leaving an awful inside corner that I just couldn’t figure out how to stake down.


Here’s that corner I was talking about.

I eventually came to the conclusion that the vertical orientation of the chargers would lead to individual cartridges getting stripped off inside the pouch, as well as forcing the end user to orient the bullet points in a set direction. Different shooters prefer different techniques for loading their arms and it’s kind of egocentric of me to assume that my way would be embraced by all shooters, so these points led me to re-evaluate my design.

Back to the ol’ drawing board.

I switched to a more conventional “points down” layout. I measured the distances from the outside wall of cartridge 1 to the outside wall of cartridge 10, allowing the charger to overhang the edges of the pouch. This will allow the user to more easily grab the charger with muddy, wet or shaking hands.

I pleated the bottom edge so as to eliminate the need for the overly complicated geometry of the previous attempt (.gif representation of my Illustrator file I was using as a CAD surrogate). I’m very pleased at how well typing paper and a dollar store stapler works as prototyping material.

And here it is from a top view. The strips inside are a surrogate for 1000 denier 1″ nylon web strap.

One idea I had to finish it off was to run a stringer of stretchy shock cord around the top edge so as to give it a little bit of elastic holddown, so the remaining chargers stay fast.

Boo yeah, now onto the Garand and Bolt-Action pouches!

*I use “M1A” as a shorthand for any .308 that accepts a 20-round detachable box mag, be it the M1A, HK91/CETME, FAL or SR25/LR308

**I am aware of the SKS-D model which was factory-modified to accept AK mags and am also aware of the multitude of (usually very poor quality) aftermarket detachable magazines, of which only the one made by Tapco is any good.

I’ve been trying to design my cabinet and holy fuck piss shit on a goat tits is this ever fucking hard!

See, I want my cab to be as tiny as possible while at the same time emulating the look and feel of an oldschool arcade cabinet. I thought I had it down, of course until I started cutting.

And then I realize that trying to get a corner to look nice is next to fucking impossible.

I got some overlaps with the circ saw and my corners got all jaggy and ugly looking. Dammit.

For the second piece, I attempted to make up some stops and then cut the remainder with a handsaw.

That didn’t work out at all.

Not only were my corners fucked off, I somehow got the geometry wrong on the second part.

I fucking suck at this.

Back to the old drawing board, I guess.

See, The Star is otherwise a darned fine little auto, a scaled-down “clone” of the Colt 1911. I put “clone” in quotation marks as it’s not a direct copy of J.M. Browning’s venerable Philipino-killing workhorse, but a reasonable facsimile. The Trigger pivots on a pin rather than being of the transfer bar type that wraps around the magazine well, the extractor is external rather than internal and there’s no goddamned grip safety. Thank God for small miracles, I guess.

The Star Modelo B is the first pistol I ever purchased upon being old enough to legally do so. I did so in January 2002, five months into being 21. I ain’t one to attach sentimental values to inanimate ojbects, but I do think it’s interesting that of all the firearms I’ve owned and parted ways with, I still have this one.

Anyhow, if you’re a Star pistol owner, you know not to dryfire the damned thing as you’ll break the firing pin, as I had done to mine years and years ago and never got around to fixing as the firing pins cost about half what I paid for the gun ($50 shipped versus $100 for the gun back in 2002). So, I let it sit.

Recent events coupled with unemployment have gotten me reinterested in the little piece.

So, here we go:

Disassembly: The Star Modelo B field strips in the same fashion as a standard 1911. Push in the buffer, remove the buffer cap, twist the barrel bushing, slide back, remove slide stop switch, slide forward to remove, twist barrel bushing the other way and remove, slide out buffer spring, guide rod and barrel.

That’s where the similarity ends. To remove the firing pin, the rear sight needs to be drifted out, revealing a retainer pin. Drift the retainer out and the firing pin and return spring will slide right on out.

Here you can see the broken, stock firing pin. Electronic micrometer calipers indicate the pin is exactly 5MM in diameter. By measuring the shaft of the widest drift punch I could slide into the slide’s firing pin hole, I calculated that the pin is 2MM in diameter. Now I’ve somewhere to start!

I went to Lowe’s and perused their selection of stocks, finding a piece of round bar stock that measured exactly 5MM in diameter. Sweet!

Hack hack hack.

A perfect fit!

So, how to turn the sucker down to 2MM?

I came up with the idea of finding a drill bit that measures 5MM (turns out it’s 3/16ths”) and punched a hole into a piece of scrap 2×4 that I’d clamped down to the drill press platform. I initially tried to use a piece of steel I’d sharpened with my Dremel’s carbide cutter bit as an awl, meeting nil results, so I thought “why not use the carbide cutter as the awl and the drill press as a turner?”

Well, it worked!

Trim it down!

I turned the new pin down to 2MM for a length of about an inch, I tried to get the turning as smooth and straight as possible, but come on man look at the tools I’m workin’ with here.

Here you can see the original, broken pin next to the finished clone version.

Now, I don’t have pics of this next step, camera ran out of batts on me and it was about 2AM and I really had no intention or inclination to drive to Wal-Mart for a four pack of Energizers.

Heat Treating. In discussion with my gunsmith buddy Firemoth, we’d talked heat treating. Per his instructions, I stuck a cheapy magnet to the firing pin and heated until the magnet fell off. In his words this is the “ecolescence point.” The pin glowed a very faint red by the time the magnet fell off. I quenched in used canola oil (again per his instructions, I was worried that canola’s smokepoint would be too low and the oil would ignite, guess not).

I installed the pin, reassembled and eagerly awaited the next day to take ‘er for at test-toast.

It was a beautiful March afternoon southeast of Reno. Reno shooters will automatically recognize this spot as being back behind the Huffaker Hills Trailhead. Squint and you can see the moon above the dominant snowcap.

Load ‘er up and try ‘er out. I loaded one magazine with five cartridges of Winchester White Box 115GR FMJ 9×19.

Insert the magazine, release the slide and touch the trigger…

Click.

Thumb the hammer back and try again.

Click.

Once more and…

Pop!

Awesome! Another go of the trigger and…

Pop!

Double awesome!

Then. Click. Click. Click. Click.

Accepting defeat, I cleared the weapon, downloaded the magazine and picked up my brass.

The two casings on edge, resting on the back lip of the magazine are live, light primer strikes. The two upright have been fired, and you can see the very light strikes thereupon as well.

Looks like I need to make a Rev. 2. I believe I should make both the pin a hair longer, perhaps up to a millimeter and the striking surface longer by about a millimeter and see what happens on the next revision.

OMAKE!
Nevadawesome

Downtown from the hilltop.

Looking southwest toward Mt. Rose.

Second shot similar angle different focal depth, desaturated and level adjusted. GALLERY READY RIGHT x__x

Summary

One day a mysterious UFO appears over The City and erects a defensive shell around the city, disallowing any transit through a half-kilometer thick shell that extends in a sphere 30 kilometers from the center of the ship. The Ship itself measures four kilometers in diameter and hovers over the city center.

Story continuity begins three years since The Ship’s arrival. The City has since returned to a state of status quo. With their hopes of escape and rescue having been crushed, the remaining surviving residents return to their jobs and suburban houses and televisions – the novelty of an alien starship hanging over their heads long since worn off.

Several Insiders however still desperately seek escape. This is their story.

“Voices From the Inside” is intended as a Web Original series, as such it will be told in a combination of traditional television production shooting and Web2.0-style cameraphone blogging.

The story takes place in the waning days of the Fifth Age (December 2012). The Ship has hovered over The City for three years and everybody, both Insider and Outsider is curious to see what happens on December 22 – The End Day as prophesized by the ancient Maya culture.

Characters

The Ship
One day in 2009, a mysterious alien craft some four kilometers in diameter appears over The City. The Ship is obviously damaged, with gaping, spark-showering hull breaches. The Ship’s immense size makes it appear in every shot of the sky. The Ship is “Voices”‘ main symbol of antagonism and dread and the source of the varied horrors with which the focus characters contend on an episodic basis.

The Ship has erected a defensive barrier around itself in a half-kilometer thick “shell” of point defense lasers that begins 30 kilometers from The Ship. Anything that enters this shell becomes instantly destroyed by the point defense lasers, thus preventing transit between the Inside and Outside. This defensive barrier is that which the focus characters seek to breach and escape their imprisonment. Years of confinement have made the Insiders desperate and depressed. All attacks on The Ship have been instantly neutralized by this barrier, American and NATO forces have long since abandoned an active campaign against The Ship.

The Ship refuses to communicate with Earthlings, not that they haven’t attempted to initiate communication. It’s believed that the aliens aboard The Ship are as far beyond humans as humans are beyond cuttlefish. Even though the two have sophisticated methods of communication, they are so intellectually incompatible that communication remains impossible.

For reasons that remain known solely to the Aliens aboard The Ship, random horrors are beset upon the Insiders, ranging from zombie attacks (characters assume this is the famed “Plan Nine from Outer Space” maneuver) to shadowpeople observers to other antagonistic manifestations. The production staff of The Outer Limits referred to this as “One bear per episode.” There ought to be a “bear” in every episode.

Over the first few months of occupation, many Insiders have mysteriously disappeared, thought to have been killed either in the post-arrival riots and powergrabs or by the varied “bears” that appear.

As power, water and other utilities do not travel per se through the shell, their transit between the Inside and Outside via wires or pipes remains unimpeded. Radio communications between the Inside and Outside likewise are unimpeded.

The Ship, for reasons unknown to characters keeps food stores and gasoline stations stocked allowing the Insiders to go about their business and continue to survive. It’s assumed by the Insiders that this, coupled with the persistent “Bears” boils down to the fact that the Aliens aboard The Ship enjoy torturing the Insiders as a child would torturing an anthill with a magnifying glass.

– The Ship Explained –
Numerous explanations are proffered by the onscreen characters, but all are considered only speculation. Present canon explanation follows:

The Ship was damaged in a space battle and sought refuge to repair and refit. It happened to find Earth and took up a stationary position over an area that would be considered to be unimportant, both tactically and strategically. It settled on a small city in the mountains of one of the otherwise unremarkable planet’s large landmasses. The Ship then proceeded to erect a defensive shell and wait for orders and reinforcements.

The ridiculous Shamaylanian twist is that the Aliens aboard The Ship are all dead. The Ship is operating on automated mode, awaiting orders and reinforcements that will never come.

The Ship’s automated systems are run by several AI systems, each of which is an autonomously-operating artificial entity. One of the AIs, responsible for operating the teleportation systems had become significantly damaged and as a result has become “enfeebled” enough to be able to comprehend and communicate with the humans below.

Part of Standard Operating Procedure on The Ship’s part is to shanghai and press locals into service. Tens of thousands of Insiders have been press-ganged into working on The Ship. They will be returned peacefully or given the chance to leave with The Ship once repairs are affected. Naturally, this works out like humans press-ganging ants into fixing their car.

As communication is impossible between The Ship and the Earthlings below, nobody is aware of the presence of the shanghaied.

– “Bears” –
The “bears” exist due to a conflict of orders and instructions inside the damaged teleporter-controlling AI. As part of a hostile invasion, it’s SOP to soften the beachheads for a traditional invasion and occupation by reanimating the dead and setting these ambulatory corpses upon the populace. As noticed by one character, this is the famed “Plan Nine from Outer Space” from the Ed Wood film of the same name. Other “bears” exist due to the fact that the teleporter-controlling AI is damaged and insane and behaving as it well pleases. This includes keeping stores and gasoline stations well stocked.

Zombies
Reanimated corpses. Characters debate whether or not headshots or massive damage is most effective for dispatch. Traditional zombie lore applies (fluid transfer will always lead to a turn, zombies hunger for brains and only brains)

Shadowpeople
Shadowpeople appear from time to time in certain shots as a flat, sketchily-rotoscoped shadow of a man in a fedora. Their presence is unknown but speculated upon by focus characters. Shadowpeople appear whenever other “bears” are present, seemingly as observers sent by The Ship.

Robots
Created by the University Professor to combat the zombies. Technically, they were created as a military project to fight our enemies. They are self-replicating autonomous kill-droids that can and do utilize local resources to build new units. Since the arrival of The Ship forced the Professor to hasten production, the end result is not very refined nor is it particularly smart. Robots get out of control and stalk the Insiders.
The Robots harvest human brains and use them as biocomputer control centers.

The City
The City is any American city, but as the production exists within the city limits of Reno Nevada, Reno will play the role of the City. “Voices” could well take place within any American City.

The Ship appears in every shot of the sky as an omnipresent symbol of menace and oppression.

The City is mostly depopulated. Those that do remain are mostly demoralized and depressed. They go about their lives in much the same manner as they did before, going to their jobs and back home, passing each day as if it were the same as yesterday. The focus characters see no functional difference between these normals and the zombies that prowl the night.

- Focus Characters -

Unorganized Resistance Figher
(Runs afoul of the UFO Cultists in the first episode and is rescued by the Organized Resistance)

Organized Resistance Fighter
(Tough as nails ex-cop that wants nothing more than to escape and resist the Cultists)

University Professor
(Roboticist, builds robots to fight the zombies, robots are turned against the Insiders)

Radio Personality
(Coast 2 Coastian Insider show)

“Normal” Girl Blogger
(Boxxy!)

Prankster
(Tricks the Cultists into believing that she’s The Ship and gets them to form a religion around her)

Robot
(One Robot remembers who he was before he was “assimilated” see below)

UFO Cultists
(Believe The Ship is talking directly to them, turns out it’s a prankster with access to a FM transmitter)

Episode Structure
Each ten minute episode will focus on one of the above characters with another character as a B-Plot or companion. Each character has a video blog monologue in which they address the viewer directly. The episode then transitions to more traditional one-camera television style then toward the end becomes another video blog monologue.

Each episode should stand on its own, but will be tied to previous episodes by a continuity-driven B-Plot.

Every character will have a different opinion regarding the presence of The Ship and the intentions of its inhabitants. Most opinions boil down to either “religious retribution” or “Aliens are dicks.”

Resolution

None will ever be given. It is the intention of the show to end production before the final episode that is billed to explain everything.

Then I got fired! Yay for life and I totally forgot to post it!

Let’s discuss a bit the anguish I’m presently having re: actually attempting to be a screenwriter.

See, the problem is that I have way too many individual ideas and projects rolling around in my head at present. In my previous entry, I’d described them as “rattling around inside my head like a angry bees.” I’m not focused, my attention is divided up like a scattershot fusillade from a battleship, rather than being focused intently on one project like a laser.

Presently, I’m working on 12 projects.

1. Doomshrooms – Horror/Comedy – Feature.

Uh it’s about killer mushrooms.

Partially inspired by the absolute trashheap that was AVP2 combined with the fact that I’m the only dude I know that likes to eat mushrooms. I’ve been revising drafts since the middle of 2007, still anguishing about structure and narrative flow, feel that I’ve put too much stuff in, despite the fact that it’s as barebones as I can get it.

Will discuss Doomshrooms more in further posts.

Status – Working on it, seriously for reals yo!

2. Zombie Nation – Comedy/Horror- Feature

-Or – Schadenfreude Za Film. There was recently a news story that explained that schadenfreude can be quantified and actually mapped as impulses in the human brain.

So naturally, I came up with some monsters that feed solely on the suffering of others – they do delightfully horrible things in order to revel the woe it creates. Said monsters are floating, fang-mawed disembodied heads.

Sequel to Doomshrooms. “Hero” is a big mean old troll. Of the internet variety of course.

Status – Started life as Doomshrooms, several of the scenarios and dialog exchanges I’d written turned out to be way too jokey for the more horror-oriented Doomshrooms. I ended up splitting those jokes off into it’s own property which is a semi-sequel to Doomshrooms. ZN shares the location and several characters, but the focus characters from Doomshrooms are supporting characters for ZN.

3. Devil Cars (working title) – Horror/Comedy – Feature.
Evil hot rods possessed by Nazi Wankel rotary motors that were designed to operate on biofuel distilled from concentration camp victims. Once they taste blood, they go on a rampage.

Most definitely inspired by the 1974 exploitation flick The Car (which was Jaws in the desert, if you haven’t seen it, take the time out to find the torrent and give it a view, would you?) as well as any myriad of hot rod flicks in which a scrappy underdog and his junkyard machine are pitted against the cocky overdog with a high-dollar rig. To say that references to Christine, Vanishing Point, The Duel and The Car will go unmade would be a criminal act.

We did a little youtubing and discovered a car called the Furai, which is a Wankel rotary-motored badass that growls and howls like a hungry predator on the hunt.

Status – Prewriting stage development hell. Devil Cars is only serving to be a distraction getting in the way of finishing Doomshrooms and Trainwreck!

4. Nommed – Horror/Comedy (go figure right?) about giant, maneating catfish and a noodling festival.

I really enjoy taking stories from the news that are horrific on their own and then spinning them into delightful new directions. Apparently there’s an Indian catfish what grows to six feet plus that has developed a taste for humans and has been nomming.
Then there’s the practice of noodling, which I find hysterically funny. I’m a dude who’s always looking for an unconventional and hilarious way to kill small animals for recreation purposes and noodling looks to be an absolute blast. When/if I move to Texas, I am most def taking a roadtrip to Oklahoma so I can participate, even if I absolutely cannot stand the taste of the fish, personally.

Status – Prewriting development hell, roadblock in the way of more pressing projects.

5. Aeon Babel: The Genesis Saga – The Asylum-Style Knockoff – Feature

So uh I’m sure that unless you’ve been livin’ under a rock that some dudes want to make a live-action feature film based on that Evangelion show from the ’90s.

Well, since I am in love with The Asylum and their brilliant, cynical knockoffs that sometimes somehow manage to actually be better than their source material (I Am Omega, Transmorphers and Alien vs. Hunter. Monster was a piece of shit though and they should be embarassed.), I really more than anything wish to work for them. So, this is my howdy do toward The Asylum while at the same time trying to show that I can do Evangelion better than Peter Jackson.

As with so many of the things I write, it’s simultaneously tearing it down while paying it respects. A roast of the source material, if you will. TVTropes would call it ParodySatirePastiche.

6. U.S.S. Spiro T. Agnew – Hard SF – Serial

Agnew is a thing I started writing back in 2002 or so, back when I worked for Actionfliks. My idea was to spin off the situations I’d developed for a property called Equinoxx, in which I developed a GRIMNDARKDARKNGRIM near future set during the aftermath of a failed war of independence among Earth’s Solar System colonies. The story centers around the crew of a tugboat, the (can you guess?) Spiro T. Agnew and their deep space salvage operation.

Aside from a somewhat-plausible method of FTL, I’d intended on making Agnew a grounded Hard SF series in contrast to Soft SF (or sci-fi/skiffy) series. A recurring theme to the show is how the crew of the Agnew is involved with or the direct cause of any number of planet-killing disasters, each of which are culled from the absolutely brilliant End Of Days scenarios archived at Exit Mundi.

Agnew is my counterpoint to Firefly, which I absolutely fucking hated (you’d better fucking believe that I’ll rail about Firefly in future posts, stay tuned for that.)

Status – Tons and tons of prewriting, a few unfinished first drafts, lost interest circa 2004 and went on to other projects and ideas. As recently as last month though, I was discussing this idea with a fellow writer and it rekindled my interest in it. Naturally, this idea is buzzing around in my bonnet, distracting me from working on Doomshrooms (which I’m committed to finishing goddammit).

7. The Passion of Futuropolis – GuitaRPG – Video Game

2006 or so saw a flurry of creativity on my part, the likes of which have more or less led to my presently clogged up intellectual gutters.

I’d originally wrote Futuropolis as a cartoon series, then as a feature, now I’ve decided it’d work best as a video game. The story followed a young guitarist who sought to follow in the footsteps of Futuropolis’ hero Mr. Mootorikoura, an agriculture robot who taught himself to play guitar and then went on to save the universe with the power of rock and roll.

The entire property was full of tongue-in-cheek references to rock music (as well as obtuse references to obscure video games ZU-style), almost all of which were made irrelevant by the show Metalocalypse, which is why I shelved the idea.

Then, very recently I saw something totally fucking cool. Guitar Hero On Tour for the Nintendo DS. Then gears started turning in my head: why not utilize the World Tour peripheral and use it as an input device for a guitar/rhythm-based fight mechanic paradigm for an RPG. I intend on re-purposing this project as a game design doc. Granted, I’m aware that the World Hero peripheral will be obsolesced by the next rev of the hardware, I’m not going to allow that to stop me from writing this thing out on spec.

Status – Nearly complete outline and much of the first draft for the pilot episode has already been written, it’d be a triviality to repurpose it into a game design doc.

8. Exciting Tales of Danger and Adventure For Boys – Sci/fi – Serial

Exciting Tales started life as a comic book script that I’d written in collaboration with a forum buddy that I’d long ago dropped out of communication with (duder if you’re still around AIM me or whatever). Our original idea was to make a steampunk book set in the “Old” West sometime around the time that Pancho Villa was beginning to ride. The plan was to make it a bit like Young Indiana Jones in that Our Heroes would constantly be meeting historical figures on their world-spanning adventure through Victorian times, all of which written in the style of a dime novel.

Then it became obvious that given all the wacky historical figures of the time would complicate the timeline. Our Heroes would be fighting Villa in one arc (1917) then in another arc, one character has a dalliance with Hitler’s mother (a historical possibility as it’s been widely accepted that Adi-kun was the product of an affair) but this event would have had to take place in 1889.

So, in order to clean that up, I decided that it’d be best to try and write the piece as if it were a series of Spec Fic novels written in the 1860s looking forward to the far-off year of 1899, in the same vein that Spec Fic novelists of the 1960s looked forward to the distant year 1999 with optimism and awe. This allows me to have more fun in a completely fictional steampunk world, rather than anguishing about any sort of historical accuracy. Most certainly inspired by Jules Verne, who in the 1860s predicted atomic submarines and lunar voyages in much the method they’re done in modern times.

Status – Three or so episodes written in comic book format. Need to be re-written to fit my new paradigm.

9. Some Bond Thing – Feature

Our IRC channel spawns many of my ideas. We (mainly Scott and I) were discussing the Bond franchise and how the damn thing should not exist in 200X, but should be forever grounded in 196X.

So, an idea formed revolving around a Soviet Air Colonel who hatches a brilliant scheme to steal the bombs from his bomber fleet and transport them to Egypt for a black market auction.

I’d love to return Bond to his roots as a spy/commando who gets by on his wits and guile more than his gadgetry. And all the while boffing every sex kitten in his path.

Status – Less “prewriting and outline” than “dude this is a sweet fucking idea let’s work on it!”

10. Belowdecks: A Star Trek Spinoff – Serial

Okay fellas, I’ll be frank with you here. I’m a Trek fan. Always was, always will be.

What I hate though about Trek is that the stories always circle around the bridge crew. Why do we give a shit what the executives are doing when there are so many more interesting stories to be told about the enlisted men and civilians on a starship.

I recall reading in the TNG Tech Manual that a Galaxy-class ship (such as Ent-D) has some 1200 civilians onboard. What about their stories? The only civilians we ever met on the ship were Keiko and Guinan. DS9 was a little better in this regard, giving us many more civilians than officers, but we still never got to hear from an enlisted man (except O’Brien, who is the highest-ranking enlisted man in the main cast).

I’d like to remedy this. I’d love to have an Ensemble Cast Drama set on a Federation starship. A show about the civilians and their hierarchy, about the enlisted men and their jobs, about the Marines and civilian police/emergency staff, about the engineers and technicians. Many interesting stories could be told about all the salty, swearing dogs on a starship.

Status – See Bond Thing above.

11. Escape!: Youtube serial

Very recently, I came up with a neat idea for a web original no-budget series that I can produce to show off my mad l337 skillz as a video producer.

A flying saucer appears over the city mysteriously and entraps the residents therein. Heavily inspired by The Prisoner (the best show ever yes even better than The Shield).

Will post more about this in the near future also.

12. And finally: Trainwreck! – Action/Horror/Comedy series about which I’ve written extensively on my other blawg. I have twelve episodes and one feature film plotted and outlined. Three and a half episodes actually written. Trainwreck! Is the story of Honus McGillicuddy – all-American power tools salesman who has a supernatural ability to track down hellmouths. Its his personal mission to drift the American Southwest and close these gateways to the nether, hunt down and destroy all the monsters that have poured forth.

He’s tracked by two weapons testers who work for a defense contractor, two FBI agents and a cutie reporter who thinks that what he’s doing is a big story. All of whom have ridiculous names – it’s sort of a running gag in the series.

Trainwreck! Was developed in response to Torchwood, which is the “adult” spinoff of Doctor Who about a bunch of top secret government types who capture alien technology and use it for dildonics. As it is “for adults serious business” it’s actually directed toward a viewership who’s maturity level hovers somewhere around twelve years of age.

But I digress. Trainwreck! Is intended to be an action/comedy series that simultaneously mocks and praises the sci-fi and horror genres.

Status – uh… I’ve written three or so episodes (only one of which can be considered “complete”) and outlined a feature length pilot episode. As much as I would like to put all my efforts into Trainwreck! I get the distinct feeling that no money man in the TV business would dare dump millions of dollars onto an untested showrunner’s lap. So alas, I’ll have to keep fighting my other projects and hopefully get the recognition I need to get Trainwreck! Off the ground and onto your TV screens.

Then dudes like me will bitch about it at length on message boards and blog posts for years to come and I’ll be every bit as reviled in the community as Joss Whedon. Oh would that ever be a dream come true?

Buh, this is six pages in my MSWord window.